Chapter 37
Bringing value, lessons learnt and gratitude.
Hello lovely readers! It has been a while, it has been one crazy year and it is that day of the year. That time of the year when I have been blessed with the privilege of opening a new chapter, reflecting, making changes to my skin care regime, buying more supplements, counting greys, negotiating with my knees when booking gym classes. lol and the list goes on. Jokes aside, it is truly a blessing to complete a journey around the sun.
I have been reflecting on adding value lately because I am always questioning my purpose in life, why am I here? what am I meant to do here? but I figured life is transactional, relationships, be it professional or personal are transactional. Now this may sound controversial but stay with me for a minute. You have to bring value in your personal and professional lives to get what you want out of life. You have to give your best at your workplace if you want that promotion to advance your career. You have to prove your worth and keep demonstrating why you are a valuable employee or why you deserve that promotion. When forming personal relationships, be it romantic or platonic, you need to demonstrate why you would be a valuable partner or a friend to form a fulfilling and meaningful relationship. Hence the popular question these days especially in romantic relationships “What do you bring to the table?”
You may have read this quote on social media platforms, I have seen it several times on Linkedin “you are replaceable at work, but your loved ones will never replace you” This quote has been thought provoking for me. The obvious meaning behind this quote is don’t spend so much of your time at work because you are replaceable. And most people know that but then they are willing to risk relationships trying to obtain what they are working for, a high flying corporate employee will work long hours so that she can make more money and retire early or whatever underlying reason there may be for doing so, which means obviously she is bringing value to her professional life.
However, where it says “……your loved ones will never replace you” I believe this is debatable, I believe your loved ones can replace you. As soon as you stop bringing emotional value to their lives out of choice. You will start creating emotional distance and eventually, your absence will no longer matter and your personal relationships will eventually meet their demise.
The only people who you may be irreplaceable to are your parents if you are lucky or to the people you sacrificed time for so they could survive.
I believe before you bring value to anything, you need to ask yourself;
What do you want out of life?
What impact do you want to make in the world? This in turn will frame your personal values.
How are you prepared to shape yourself first to get what you want?
What do you want your state of being to look like?
It is also essential that you shape yourself with authenticity, facades will not fare well and what you want will eventually elude you. As mentioned above, life is transactional, it will give you back what you put into it and selfishness never wins.
So yes, I strongly believe there is no such thing as a free lunch, we are all giving something to get something and that does not make us good or bad it makes us human, the word transaction has negative connotations to it when used in non financial context but its really not. We are all bringing something to different tables if not the same table in order to get what we want and we are designed like that.
Imagine a world where nobody has any aspirations, needs, desires or visions, what would that world look like? unimaginable right? We are complex, sophisticated beings with embedded needs, desires, aspirations and visions that make us want to bring value in order to get our needs fulfilled.
Lessons learnt so far….
Any new endeavour you embark on will feel lonely but it is important to keep going, you will look back and appreciate the personal growth that resulted from it.
Sometimes your biggest supporters are total strangers.
Mindset is everything! Your mind magnifies both negativity and positivity, choose wisely what you expose your brain to because it will rewire accordingly.
Listen to your intuition, If something feels off, it probably is!
Self-doubt will follow you everywhere but keep moving, keep doing what you are doing, that’s the only way to eventually get rid of it.
Be willing to fail, not only is it part of success, it is part of learning.
Let envy be your guide, if you’ve ever felt envious, explore this emotion because it is and indication of disconnection within yourself and you are probably not doing what you are supposed to.
Your success cannot be taken away by anyone, you will get what you work for.
Everyone has insecurities, the worst way to deal with them is projecting them on to someone else.
Hurt people, hurt people. Yes that’s true, unless the hurt person is a child there is no justification for hurting other people just because one has unresolved trauma.
Never stop learning, it keeps life and people interesting.
I would like to quote from a book called Life Impossible by Matt Haig “People say that love is rare. I am not so sure. What is rare is something even more desirable. Understanding. There is no point in being loved if you are not understood. They are simply loving an idea of you they have in their mind. They are in love with love. They are in love with their loving. To be understood. And not only that, but to be understood and appreciated once understood. That is what matters.” I couldn't agree more!
If you find someone who is your biggest cheerleader and is truly there for you when it matters, be it a friend or a partner, hold on to them forever. You have won the lottery. No really, don’t take them for granted, you have won in life.
Celebrate the small wins, small wins are still wins.
A cliched saying but very true, health is wealth! Nothing matters if you do not have your health.
Don’t be too rigid in your beliefs and perceptions, be open to other perspectives. It could lead to important life lessons.
Ironically family can be the people who make you feel alone and invisible and you could meet strangers who make you feel so seen and understood like they have known you for years.
Nothing is a given, try not to take anything for granted.
Don’t take people’s opinions of you personally, that’s their perception of you not who you actually are.
Last but not the least, life is a wonderfully arduous journey. To all my lovely people reading this, I just want to say, you have got this! and a lot of love to you!
Gratitude
I just want to express gratitude, another trip around the sun is done. It has been a tough year but here I am opening another chapter. I am not big on celebrating birthdays but I am big on celebrating growth, small wins, good people, good friends and kindness. I want to say a big thank you to all my readers and those who actually come looking for me when I have not written in a while, you know yourselves, I just want you to know it means the world to me when you do that. I promise to continue bringing value to those in my life and the world around me.
Happy happy birthday, my friend. Flowers from Nairobi. Wonderful reflections and pieces of advice. Asante sana! Have fun!
It's interesting how you articulat the transactional nature of all relationships. How do you reconcile that with phases where one might not feel they have much to bring to the table?